UCanMakeItIfYouTry – Spotting A Narcissist
A narcissist is a person who exhibits narcissistic traits, including an inflated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy for others, and a need for admiration. Spotting a narcissist can be difficult, as they often present themselves in a charming and confident manner. However, there are some key behaviors and traits to look for…
1 – They Are Extremely Charming …at First
If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you may notice that they tend to exaggerate their importance and engage in grandiose fantasies. They may shower you with compliments and profess their love for you quickly, but once they feel they have you “hooked,” their behavior towards you may change.
2 – They Are Conversation Hogs
Everything is about them, and their favorite subject is (surprise!) themselves. They love to talk about their accomplishments and achievements. When you try to talk about yours, they will often not engage with you and will become visibly bored.
3 – They Must Have Your Compliments
Narcissists do not have the high self-esteem they let on. Instead, they feel better when you are lavishing them with praise. You supply their self-worth with how often you compliment and praise them. They will fish for praise from you or anyone.
4 – They Live to Put You Down
The higher your self-esteem, the more of a threat you are to a narcissist. They overcome this by belittling you over time. They may even infer (or tell you straight out) that no one will love you as they do.
5 – They Are Not Empathetic to Others
They are unable to feel how others feel. They cannot relate to your bad day at work. They don’t understand feelings and how emotions are not caused by others but are a mixture of biochemistry, thoughts, and interpretation.
6 – They Have Few Long-Term Friends
Because of their need to be correct and better than anyone else, narcissists have few long-term friends. They may make friends easily, but keeping them is a different story. They may lash out at you if you want to hang out with other friends.
7 – They Will Gaslight You
Narcissists may gaslight you. This involves manipulating and misleading someone to make them question their perception of reality. They may deny things that have happened, lie, or twist the truth to confuse and manipulate their victim. This can cause the victim to doubt their own memories and perceptions
8 – They Will Not Apologize
Since a narcissist is always right, they will never apologize. For them, your disagreement with them is an opportunity to teach you some truth. You can argue and debate with them, but you will never win.
9 – If You Break It Off, They Will Lash Out
No one leaves a narcissist. If you leave the relationship, they will hurt you for abandoning them. Their ego will be severely bruised, and they will take it out on you. You can expect to receive calls, texts, emails, and other forms of contact to try and get you back or hurt you more.
FAST-ACTION STEPS
1 – Ask yourself how you feel after engaging with someone you suspect is narcissistic. Do they ask you about your day and listen? Do you walk away feeling worse?
2 – Set boundaries. If possible, avoid contact. If not possible, set clear boundaries revolving around your interaction with a narcissist.
3 – Connect or reconnect with friends who support you and encourage you. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you will need these people to support you when you leave.
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James Donaldson
Former Owner and Director of The Donaldson Clinic (an outpatient physical therapy clinic)
James completed a 20 year professional basketball career in the spring of 2000. James established The Donaldson Clinic in (January 1990 – 2018) (shortly after a career threatening knee injury) with an idea that he would eventually become a physical therapist. He is a strong advocate for Women & Minority owned businesses and is very involved with various Chambers of Commerce. He understands what it takes to sustain a strong business environment that is conducive to the success of businesses overall.
James is a Washington State University graduate (’79). After an outstanding basketball career with WSU, he went on to play professional basketball in the N.B.A. with the Seattle Supersonics, San Diego/L.A. Clippers, Dallas Mavericks, New York Knicks and Utah Jazz. He also played for several in Spain, Italy and Greece of the European Leagues plus toured with The Harlem Globetrotters to wrap up his career. James was an N.B.A. All-Star in 1988 while playing center for the Dallas Mavericks. In 2006, James was inducted into the Pac – 10 Sports Hall of Fame and also the Washington State University Athletic Hall of Fame.
He now devotes the majority of his time to various community activities, and toward the Gift of Life Foundation, speaking on mental health awareness and suicide prevention. James frequently conducts speaking engagements (motivational, inspirational, educational) for organizations, schools, youth groups and is the author of the published “Standing Above the Crowd” of which you can learn more about at www.standingabovethecrowd.com and is available for sale now.
In 2021, James published Celebrating Your Gift of Life: From the Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy. www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com
James is a 40+ year resident of Seattle. He believes in being a role model of success and professionalism for the scores of young people that he devotes so much of his time to. He currently serves on several Boards and/or committees and is a member of many organizations. (Please see complete listing on back)
James believes in developing relationships that create a “Win – Win” environment for everyone involved, and being the best he can be!
