UCanMakeItIfYouTry – Fix Trust Issues in Your Relationship
Trust in a relationship is paramount to its success. You and your partner or friend cannot stay together long if there is a lack of trust. Marriages break apart because of betrayal. Friendships sink for similar reasons; maybe they go back on their word or lie to you. As long as you are willing, you can fix those trust issues within your relationships. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.
1 – Look Into Your Past
What is the core reason you do not trust your friend or spouse? Have you been betrayed before? Events in your past may be affecting your current relationship.
2 – Be Open About Your Feelings
You might need reassurance from your partner. Let them know! It is helpful for both of you to understand what both of you feel. Be willing to share your hopes, dreams, and fears for your relationship.
3 – Keep the Lines of Communication Always Open
Be willing to communicate openly and frequently. Silence breeds doubt and suspicion. If you notice this happening, stop and have a conversation now.
4 – Extend and Practice Forgiveness
In matters of betrayal, you might blame yourself for your partner’s actions. This keeps you stuck in self-doubt and the cycle of distrust and suspicion. Also, if you find it hard to forgive your loved one, moving forward will be difficult. It is better to practice forgiveness and grow stronger together.
5 – Avoid Monitoring the Other Person’s Activities
Going through your spouse’s things and hitting them up with a barrage of questions makes it much harder for both of you. Fight the urge to rifle through their phone or social media accounts. Extend trust before suspicion, and let your loved one know what you are doing.
6 – Leave the Past in the Past
Playing the Blame Game is a great way to keep distrust and anger within your relationship. Ask questions instead of jumping in and accusing them of ill-doing. Pointing out past issues instead of leaving them alone will cause more anguish for the both of you.
7 – Work on Your Insecurities
If insecurities are causing relationship trouble, work on your self-esteem. Learn to acknowledge those things you do well and do things that make you feel better about whom you are. You may want to seek the services of a licensed therapist to help you.
8 – Try to See Things From Their Perspective
Put yourself in their shoes. Did they lie because they didn’t want to hurt your feelings or worry you? Or do you react irrationally at news, so they didn’t feel comfortable telling the truth? You are not saying it is OK to lie, but you create a way for them to feel safe enough to release stress and share what may trigger their actions.
9 – Seek Counseling
Trust is the glue to relationships. If you and your partner cannot come to terms with trust, it may be time to find a licensed counselor. They can help you learn to communicate and relate to one another so that you can rebuild trust.
FAST-ACTION STEPS
1 – Break out your journal and ask yourself why you feel insecure about your relationship. Writing out your feelings helps you get to the crux of your trust issues.
2 – Schedule time to sit and talk with your partner. Share why you don’t feel you can trust them and what you believe would help you extend trust to them.
3 – Find a counselor who can help you communicate and learn to trust again.
- About the Author
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James Donaldson
Former Owner and Director of The Donaldson Clinic (an outpatient physical therapy clinic)
James completed a 20 year professional basketball career in the spring of 2000. James established The Donaldson Clinic in (January 1990 – 2018) (shortly after a career threatening knee injury) with an idea that he would eventually become a physical therapist. He is a strong advocate for Women & Minority owned businesses and is very involved with various Chambers of Commerce. He understands what it takes to sustain a strong business environment that is conducive to the success of businesses overall.
James is a Washington State University graduate (’79). After an outstanding basketball career with WSU, he went on to play professional basketball in the N.B.A. with the Seattle Supersonics, San Diego/L.A. Clippers, Dallas Mavericks, New York Knicks and Utah Jazz. He also played for several in Spain, Italy and Greece of the European Leagues plus toured with The Harlem Globetrotters to wrap up his career. James was an N.B.A. All-Star in 1988 while playing center for the Dallas Mavericks. In 2006, James was inducted into the Pac – 10 Sports Hall of Fame and also the Washington State University Athletic Hall of Fame.
He now devotes the majority of his time to various community activities, and toward the Gift of Life Foundation, speaking on mental health awareness and suicide prevention. James frequently conducts speaking engagements (motivational, inspirational, educational) for organizations, schools, youth groups and is the author of the published “Standing Above the Crowd” of which you can learn more about at www.standingabovethecrowd.com and is available for sale now.
In 2021, James published Celebrating Your Gift of Life: From the Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy. www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com
James is a 40+ year resident of Seattle. He believes in being a role model of success and professionalism for the scores of young people that he devotes so much of his time to. He currently serves on several Boards and/or committees and is a member of many organizations. (Please see complete listing on back)
James believes in developing relationships that create a “Win – Win” environment for everyone involved, and being the best he can be!
