UCanMakeItIfYouTry – Captivating Conversations
There are two types of people in the world. Some can hold a conversation with anybody, and those that see their efforts fizzle after the first three minutes. What makes the difference? Some of us know how to have more captivating conversations. If you struggle to engage with others, you can learn the techniques that will make you successful the next time.
1 – Listen to What Is Being Said
It’s common to think about what you will say next instead of focusing on what the other person says. It shows that you weren’t focused on them. Instead, listen closely to what they are saying. When they are done, consider what they said before answering.
2 – Longer Answers – But Not Too Much
It is easy to answer a question with a simple sentence, but you need a new strategy if you want to engage in a conversation. When asked a question, answer it and add a fact about yourself. It gives the other person a deeper glimpse into who you are.
3 – Ask the Other Person’s Opinion
People love to give input, so help them out by asking their opinions. It could be about the best restaurants or techniques for setting up a budget spreadsheet. In either case, your conversation partner will relish knowing you value their opinion.
4 – Use Their Name and Look Them in the Eye
We love to hear the sound of our name. Use that to engage the other person talking with you. Remember to look them in the eye, as it reinforces that you are making them the most important person in the room.
5 – Research Conversation Starters
For some, the idea of starting a conversation is frightening. They may be frozen in fear and how to engage with others. Utilize the Internet and look for a few conversation starters. You don’t need many, just two or three.
6 – Ask Open-Ended Questions
Yes/No questions stop a conversation dead in its tracks. You will enjoy richer answers when the other person can elaborate on their answers. It will be a lifesaver to keep a chat from stalling.
7 – Blurt Out Your Thoughts
Fear of what others think keeps us from sharing a funny story or an interesting fact. Instead of giving into fear, try blurting out what is in your head at the moment and see what happens. You may find that others love what you have to say, and the conversation continues.
8 – Don’t Focus on the Outcome
When was the last time you enjoyed a conversation? If you think about it, you may have loved that chat because there was no intended outcome. You were in it for fun, not for a specific reason. Forget the agenda and go with the flow that comes from genuinely engaging in a conversation with another person.
9 – Remember Not Everyone Wants to Talk
It’s true. You may be ready to have a long, engaging conversation and the other party isn’t. That’s OK. They may have other things pressing them for time, or they may be shy. Accept that they are not in the mood to talk move on.
FAST-ACTION STEPS
1 – Look on the Internet for three conversation starters and use them on a friend or family member. Practice gives you a sense of comfort.
2 – Write down five open-ended questions you can ask. These will generally start with the words “why,” “what,” and “how.”
3 – Practice listening techniques the next time you are talking with your partner. Remember to pause before answering and looking them in the eye as you listen.
- About the Author
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James Donaldson
Former Owner and Director of The Donaldson Clinic (an outpatient physical therapy clinic)
James completed a 20 year professional basketball career in the spring of 2000. James established The Donaldson Clinic in (January 1990 – 2018) (shortly after a career threatening knee injury) with an idea that he would eventually become a physical therapist. He is a strong advocate for Women & Minority owned businesses and is very involved with various Chambers of Commerce. He understands what it takes to sustain a strong business environment that is conducive to the success of businesses overall.
James is a Washington State University graduate (’79). After an outstanding basketball career with WSU, he went on to play professional basketball in the N.B.A. with the Seattle Supersonics, San Diego/L.A. Clippers, Dallas Mavericks, New York Knicks and Utah Jazz. He also played for several in Spain, Italy and Greece of the European Leagues plus toured with The Harlem Globetrotters to wrap up his career. James was an N.B.A. All-Star in 1988 while playing center for the Dallas Mavericks. In 2006, James was inducted into the Pac – 10 Sports Hall of Fame and also the Washington State University Athletic Hall of Fame.
He now devotes the majority of his time to various community activities, and toward the Gift of Life Foundation, speaking on mental health awareness and suicide prevention. James frequently conducts speaking engagements (motivational, inspirational, educational) for organizations, schools, youth groups and is the author of the published “Standing Above the Crowd” of which you can learn more about at www.standingabovethecrowd.com and is available for sale now.
In 2021, James published Celebrating Your Gift of Life: From the Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy. www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com
James is a 40+ year resident of Seattle. He believes in being a role model of success and professionalism for the scores of young people that he devotes so much of his time to. He currently serves on several Boards and/or committees and is a member of many organizations. (Please see complete listing on back)
James believes in developing relationships that create a “Win – Win” environment for everyone involved, and being the best he can be!
